Taboo: Effects of a Father’s Absence

 

 

 

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JoAnn
Age 48
The Effects Of A Father’s Absence

At age 5 I was raised by my paternal grandparents. My mother and father were no longer together. She left him due to the physical abuse she endured during the time that they were married. Even though my Father was absent, my grandfather played the father figure in my life. He was always there, very supportive, and gave me the love that I didn’t receive from my dad. As I got older especially in my teenage years which even carried over into my adult years. I sought attention in guys who showed me love. When I say love, I mean it could have been abusive or even mental it didn’t matter as long as I heard the words I love you as well as getting the attention that I wasn’t getting from my father that was all I needed. I didn’t feel pretty I didn’t even love myself. I always waited to hear those words coming from a man. Yes my grandfather was in my life and gave me that attention but it wasn’t my father. I viewed a relationship as if a man puts his hands on you and talks to you any kind of way and said those magical words I love you then it was okay. Even in my marriage 10 years plus I suffered mental abuse even to the point where I was ready to take my life because it became too much on me. But thanks to God I prayed that off of me because I knew that one day it would be meant for me to share my story. I did leave my marriage. I just woke up one morning and realized I had enough and I left. I did seek counseling because I had to work through issues that I was dealing with from my childhood as well as understand why I had become the insecure person that I was. Honestly I just realized last year what my TRUE VALUE was and that was LOVING JOANN FLAWS and ALL. I have forgiven my father and the biggest step was forgiving my ex-husband that was closure and my exhaling moment for me to move on. Yes there are days that I still struggle with self love but I’m not where I used to be. I take each day slowly with the help of God. This is why I want to reach out to young women and even women my age who are struggling with self love. It can be a struggle because of what we see on TV showing how your body should be, how you should look, it can be the absence of your father, or how others look down on you meaning with hurtful words they may say or things they do. I’m quite sure that some will read and be like whatever, and some may say I’m not going to any therapists/counseling. But trust me it will help as well as talking to someone who has been down that path and who understands what you have been through or better yet may be going through now. Know this you are fearfully and wonderfully made we can uplift, support and encourage each another as we go on this journey together.

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